Find Your People

How a book club restored my faith in humanity

The Struggle

In August of 2019, I was struggling. It wasn’t pretty. My brother had just passed away. I was feeling out of my element and terribly bored at my new job. I was rapidly approaching the one-year mark at the apartment I swore I would only live in for six months.

I had moved ‘home’ to be closer to family after a devastating conclusion to a 5-year relationship only to discover that ‘home’ was no longer what I had imagined it to be. The family I craved comfort from had scattered and built new versions of home for themselves in my 2-year absence.

Photo by Ahmed Nishaath on Unsplash

I was desperate for human connection but simultaneously unwilling to connect with anyone. I was deep in the dredges of self-loathing and isolation. 

During one of my daily doom-scroll sessions, I happened upon a neighborhood page. You know the type, I’m sure, one of those sites that seem to pride itself on shaming community members for sins akin to leaving trashcans out too late, allowing grass to grow a quarter inch too tall, or hanging holiday lights as early as November or well into January.  I usually keep right on scrolling past these negative Nelly pages.

But the post my eyes landed on this day simply said,  "Anyone interested in starting a book club?”  For some unknown, very much unlike me reason, I didn't hesitate. I didn't even pause to ponder the undesirable social consequences. I just replied, ‘Yes, please.’

Five Years Later

Nearly 5 years later, these are my people. Six of us, the same six we began with, five wonderful women, one indispensable man. We range in age, life experience, profession, and literary preferences. We are drawn together by a love of books, ideas, debates and coffee or tea at the same hightop table at Panera every month.

These are a few of our most recent selections. We’re discussing ‘The Phoenix Crown’ on Thursday! And yes, if you can tell, I’m still in my tiny apartment six years later!

We began in September of 2019. We went virtual in March of 2020. We reunited live and in person in March of 2021. We have read over 55 books together and we have covered every genre, style and era. We've loved some, hated a few and passionately argued over many.

No matter what is going on in my life, I always leave book club feeling happy and immensely grateful for these people. We have grown into our own little version of family, caring for one another, reveling in each other's company and celebrating the milestones of our book bunch as well as our individual lives. 

What I Learned

That day in 2019 when I failed to hesitate, the day I replied ‘Yes, please’ to a simple social media post was no accident. Call it fate, intuition, Kismet, luck or chance, it was absolutely meant to be. When I met this group, I had lost faith in the goodness of people. My book club has taught me how to listen with intention, how to disagree with grace, and how to share without fear of rejection.

The world we live in often feels heavy and hard. These people are decent, kind, warm, funny, genuine, intelligent, and caring. They have restored my faith in humanity and I am a far better person for knowing each one of them.  We meet this week on Thursday; same time, same place. It's my turn to pick the book choices. As always, I can't wait to see them.

“Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion.”
— Bell Hooks, All About Love, 1999

Coaching Application

People are social creatures by nature. Even introverts like myself need to know that we are not alone in the world, that we have a community or multiple communities that see us, care for us, value us.

As coaches, we can learn a great deal about our clients based on the qualities they appreciate in others and the characteristics that they themselves bring to the community table.  Below are some coaching questions that may help us learn more:

• Who are your people?

• How do you know they are your people?

• What traits draw you to a person?

• Are those traits different for a group of people?

• Are you most comfortable in a group or in one-on-one conversations?

• How do you make friends as an adult?

• What traits do you bring to a social group that are desirable to others?

Teaching Application

These two questions make fantastic writing prompts that are accessible for students of any age. Having kids extend these prompts into stories featuring characters who demonstrate the desirable traits may also allow the teacher a glimpse into a child’s perception about what a healthy relationship looks like. 

What trait do you most admire in a person? Why?
What trait do you most value in a friend? Why?

Who Are Your People?

I would love to know about your ‘people!’ How did you find them and what makes them so uniquely special to you?

Be well,

Nicole