Surviving in an Anxious World

Three Strategies to Ease the Struggle

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. ~ Swedish Proverb

A Math Fact

Back when I taught elementary school, I was really good at teaching math. I knew how to chunk directions into pieces that were easily understood, how to preview vocabulary and strategies so kids had that knowledge at the ready when they would begin to solve a problem.

I knew that kids needed to have different ways to attack a problem based on their strengths and preferences. Maybe they worked best with a list of steps or by drawing a visual representation or by building a model of the problem using physical materials that they could move around and manipulate to help them understand what they were trying to do abstractly. The important thing was that each kid got what they needed to be successful in my class.

All this may sound boastful, but it really isn’t. There was a very good reason that I excelled in teaching elementary school math. It was because my own early math experiences were dismal at best, humiliating and devastatingly frustrating at worst.

I was skilled at teaching math because I understood how foreign even the simplest of math problems could appear to a student whose strengths were more language or creative in nature. I was good at teaching math because I knew how hard it could be and I knew how awful it felt to struggle through it.

Those Who Can’t…

There’s a really terrible saying that every teacher hates. “Those who can’t, teach.” It’s meant to be insulting, as in, “You’re not smart enough to complete the experimental study in physics or write the great American novel, but maybe you could teach others how to get started.”

Bear with me here…a part of me agrees with this incredibly irritating and ignorant statement, just with a slight revision. I would say, “Those who couldn’t, teach better!” There are brilliant educators who pour all of their wisdom toward the minds of their learners only to find that half of what they have said spills onto the floor in a useless puddle. This happens most often when students aren’t able to hear or process the information in the same way that the teacher is imparting the knowledge.

BUT, it is the teacher who notices the puddle on the floor and then says, “You know what, let’s take a step back. This was hard for me too when I first learned it. We’ll break it into pieces and we’ll sketch it out in our own words as we go.” THAT is a teacher who sees the puddle, who recognizes the struggle, who knows that learning only happens when it is OWNED by the learner, that teaching is not a simple transaction of language from the teacher’s lips to the students’ ears.

And quite often, the teacher who sees that puddle most easily is one who struggled with the content themselves at one point. Their past struggle inherently gives them the ability to recognize someone else’s difficulty sooner, more clearly, and then pivot from or abandon entirely their original plan to provide the tools, strategies, and language that the student needs to move forward.

Same Holds True

This inherent strength is similarly present for coaches. Substitute a coach for the teacher in the the last sentence from the previous paragraph:

A coach’s past struggle inherently gives them the ability to recognize someone else’s difficulty sooner, more clearly, and then provide the tools, strategies, and language the client needs to move forward.

This is why we see an uptick in coaching recently. And, though I have heard a variety of differing opinions on the matter, I find it inspiring. To me, this surge is an army of helpers, rising up from their own battles, their own losses, their own challenges and sorrows. They are rising up with the sole intent of helping others to navigate their own path forward.

At this time in our world, we need all the helpers we can get.

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me,
'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' ~Fred Rogers

An Anxious World

One of the most prevalent conditions that impacts the well-being of children and adults today is anxiety. Sometimes there are outwardly observable characteristics like fidgeting, fast speech, or a furrowed brow, but more often than not, anxiety is an invisible condition.

Working with students or clients who have anxiety is one of my very favorite things to do because my ‘toolbox’ is filled to overflowing with tips and tricks that are so effective. Of course I only have such a beautifully, well-equipped toolbox because I have struggled with my own anxiety for so long and because I’ve had the privilege of working with so many students who struggle similarly.

Anxiety looks and feels uniquely different to each individual. Below is a poem that I wrote a while ago that captures a bit of what anxiety can feel like to me.

Note: As an educator and a coach, I do not diagnose or treat any mental health condition. Diagnosis and treatment are specific responsibilities of licensed therapists, psychologists, or medical doctors. Coaches provide individualized support and guidance to enhance their clients' lives by clarifying clients’ goals, identifying obstacles, and developing strategies to overcome them. Coaches provide support, accountability, and motivation throughout the journey, helping clients unlock their potential and create sustainable change.

Shopping

‘I am OK,’
I repeat as I enter the car.
Tap the lock,
secure the belt,
turn the motor.
Exhale.

Enter the market,
jagged pulse in ears.
Clutch the cart, 
echo the mantra,
scan the faces.

Can they see?
How I monitor breath,
check surroundings,
create space between myself
and any who cross my invisible barrier.

Do they know?
How I’ve planned
which aisles to enter,
far left, far right,
which items to choose,
produce and dairy,
which steps to take
to expedite the trip
eliminate contact from them.

Do they notice?
How my smile is fixed,
falsely frozen on my face,
as I toss ‘good mornings’
to those I must cross 
in line
at the till
through the doors
across the lot
to the car.

Into the haven of the seat.
Tap the lock,
secure the belt,
turn the motor.
Exhale.

Could they see?
Did they know?
Did they notice?
Am I OK?

Worry Much?

It is no exaggeration to say that our world is experiencing an extraordinary amount of anxiety. Some say that the deluge is due to the isolation we experienced during COVID, while others claim (my hand is waving in the air here) that our pre-existing anxiety ebbed during isolation.

Others claim societal concerns are to blame. A two-minute visit to social media or a news broadcast amplifies the multitude of reasons that people feel heightened levels of concern: politics, crime, inequity of resources, declining educational institutions, racism, war and violence, surging mental health issues, the list goes on and my heartrate rises as I type each one.

Research shared by Jonathan Haidt in his new book, ‘The Anxiety Generation,’ identifies advances in technology, specifically smart phones in the hands of our children, as responsible for the ‘great rewiring of childhood’ which is ‘causing an epidemic of mental illness.’ Sadly, I could not agree more.

3 Strategies: B-M-P

You may not control all the events that happen to you,
but you can decide not to be reduced by them. ~ Maya Angelou

One thing that I know for certain is that when a person is anxious, they need a simple, clear, and easy to remember strategy that works for them. There are a zillion recommendations that I could list here, but I find these three have become my own personal mantra that I can always remember and tap into when needed, even during stressful times.

Breathe.
Move.
Plan.

Breathe. The moment you notice your pulse quicken or tension enter your body, wherever you are, you can breathe. Time permitted, you might choose to engage in a lengthy breathwork relaxation practice, like the recordings on the Calm app (LOVE!) or any other offering. But, even in a line at the grocery store in a room full of people, you can do this:

Sit or stand upright and still.
Breathe slowly in through your nose for a count of 6.
Hold at the top of the breath for 6.
Slowly release the breath through your mouth until empty.
Repeat 3 or more times.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Move. Any movement that feels good to you counts, but I especially like a strength-based motion. The idea is to distract the busy mind while experiencing a sense of control. A brisk walk in nature is always a fantastic choice, but if that is not available, a couple of laps around the hallways at work or school can work just as well. A few 2-minute strength movements include:

Wall pushups: feet arms-length from wall, straight body, pushup motion against wall
Wall sit: back flat against wall, lower body until thighs are parallel to floor, heels below knees
Plank pose: pushup pose on floor, straight line from heels to head, pull belly in firmly, take care not to lock elbows or knees
Squats
Seat lifts: Kids often like this one, where they are seated at their desk and they slowly press their hands into the seat of the chair alongside their upper thighs and lift themselves off the chair for a count of 5 and then slowly release.
One-leg balance: Great for discreet grocery store line movement, stand straight and tall (no slouchy hip to the side) but with your weight on one foot for a count of 10 and then switch legs and repeat.

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

Plan. If anxiety has risen due to an upcoming event, or the anxiety is occurring after a certain situation, plan for one or two things that will support you the next time this happens. Planning is great to do on your own or with the support of a coach or loved one. Examples include:

Next time I feel anxious in class, I will put the yellow post-it note on my desk to let my teacher know I prefer not to be called on today and I will use my 6-count breath if I still feel anxious.
Next time I am uncomfortable in the grocery store, I will remember my 6-count breath and my one-legged standing in line balances.
When I present my oral report tomorrow, I will highlight the words I want to emphasize because I tend to become monotone when I am anxious. I will remember to breathe between each paragraph.

Be well,
Nicole

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